The Psychology of Home

At the start of every new project, I begin by asking clients to list 3 words that describe how they want their homes to feel? “Welcoming, warm, clean, comfy, relaxed, peaceful, inviting.” These are just some of the many words I have received. These words are the basis of every design and with every color selection, furniture purchase, and design choice I am constantly reflecting back on those 3 words.

For years now I have been sorting through my personal thoughts on the concept of home/space/environment and the impact they have on our lives. Our experiences with spaces are visceral and influence so much of how we feel, think and behave (whether we recognize it or not).

As a designer, I am acutely aware of how my home influences me. When my home doesn’t live up to my expectations of “good” design, cleanliness, organization, etc (fill-in-the-blank), it can feel like my inner-self is as untidy as my home is in reality. I crave that “deep breath” moment when I can sit in my cozy accent chair, look around the room and feel immensely proud of my space (aka life).

I’ve been reading the book The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Morgan Schafler and there is a section of the book where she discusses that many of us have a false conception of “balance”. She describes balance as being this “seatbelt click moment” that we all crave, only once all of our goals have been achieved. Once every item in my home has a designated place, “click!” I’ve found balance. Once my home perfectly reflects who I am and functions for all of my family’s needs, “click!”. Once my children are out of diapers, “click!”. You get the idea. However, Schafler goes on to say that this whole concept is an illusion.

Our lives are marked by ups and downs, discovery, learning and growing. There is not a point at which all aspects of our lives (home, work, relationships, etc) synchronize to form a perfect life. So what does this mean in light of knowing our environments play such a vital role in our lives? If balance is an illusion, how can I maintain a healthy perspective on home design & its impact? Is the idea of a “dream home” also an illusion?

As a self-identifying perfectionist, I am learning to lean into “presence over perfection” in both my home and in my life. Perhaps by re-defining balance, we can better learn contentment when it comes to our homes? If my aim is perfection, I will always see the shortcomings. The sofa has too much wear, the curtains are out-of-date, there isn’t enough natural light, and the list goes on. We will always find something to critique and to upgrade.

A well-designed home is one of thoughtfulness rather than perfect curation. Our spaces should encourage presence–with ourselves and our loved ones. When we operate from this mindset, the choices we make for our spaces come from a place of health and abundance rather than scarcity and discontentment. We see our homes (and lives) in a new light.