Valentine’s Day is the day that we set aside to celebrate Love! Many people ask me about how to activate relationships and romance in their life. In fact, it is one of the most common areas of life that clients want help with….along with finances. Of course, feng shui offers many traditional “cures” to reignite your love life, and although they can be supportive, I find other things we can do even more foundational.
Traditional feng shui says to look at the south west quadrant of your home (or the master bedroom) and make sure the fire and wood elements are balanced. This is helpful, but what about your own personal fire? Are you feeling magnetic and sexy? If not, why not? What are your beliefs around relationships that you learned growing up? What has been your experiences? Is there a story that you are writing about your own desirability or attractiveness to the opposite sex? Just notice what needs to be internally cleaned out of your own “Inner Sanctum” and find a symbolic way of letting them go. For example, you can write down what you want to let go of and burn it, journal your story or maybe it is that old photo of your past relationship that is still hanging out in the bedroom drawer where you put it the day you broke up. Take it out and let it go.
Some advise for the guys out there:
So what do women really want? Do we really want flowers and chocolates? Fancy dinner and champagne? Not so much….at least not more than we want your deep heart and unwavering presence. We want you to hold us steady in your penetrating gaze when we are drowning in waves of emotion. We want to know that you thought outside of the Valentines box. Thought about us and found a way to show that you treasure us. Whether that means a handmade Valentines card and a romantic poem you wrote or a recreation of an “Evening in Paris” in your living room with diner and french music.
So, it’s not about the presents, but rather about your presence. Nothing touches us deeper….
Happy Valentine’s Day!
I love it when people ask me what Sanctum means. The Webster and Oxford dictionary define Sanctum as, “a sacred or holy place” and “an inviolably private place or retreat”.
In 1992 I was sitting in a small inner city Catholic Church in Upstate New York listening to a rather radical priest who was a friend of my family. I bowed my head to pray and when I looked up, my eyes rested on a large white marble alter engraved in gold with the word SANCTUM. It hit me like a baptism of fire and the words emblazed on my heart in that moment. The rest of the church disappeared and the priests’ sermon drowned out to a hushed background hum. I knew in that moment that one day, these words would reveal their true meaning to me.
Looking back at the formal definition, I too have used the word in the same way. It is not simply counseling that I offer (the inner sanctum), or merely feng shui design (the private retreat), although both are included. Sanctum is how I see and live in the world. It is becoming fully aware of how we can remove obstacles to our fulfillment through resolving hidden issues and how we can use our environments to support those changes in a very powerful way.
Sanctum goes deeper than feng shui, interior design or counseling alone, although ones may ask me to help with only part of the trio. Sanctum is the bridge between consciousness and design. Your living and working spaces reveal areas that flow in your life and also the areas that need attention. There is always a deeper reason as to why our toilet runs or our why we can’t let go of the storage in our basement. The work to clearing the way is not difficult, it just takes commitment and a willingness to explore, be open and take appropriate action.